| This page is contributed by Norma Sit, Founder of Kinderart P/L. |
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All parents want their children to perform in school and in life.
Motherhood
When I became a new mother in 1989, my mother taught me much - how she, an illiterate person, raised four children to have Masters and Doctorate degrees from the best universities in the world. Mum was not educated; her father died in the war. She was raised by my grandma in a very humble setting. Money was scraped from selling 'kuehs' in baskets along the road. My mum became a salon assistant at 14, at the beck and call of her boss.
Some lessons my mother gave me:
- Never label your children
My mother was very particular that we do not use negative language around children.
For example, never use the word 'steal' if your child took some money from your purse for sweets. Your child did not know the better. Never use the word 'cheat'. Never use the word 'lie'. My mum said, 'Children do not know better. These are just actions to them. They do not know it is wrong. Just tell them not to repeat those actions by explaining why they were not good.' My mother would teach me, 'Tell him that if he took your money from your purse, you might be at the shops and you might not have money to pay the shopkeeper and then you might get into trouble.'
My mother was very specific about this. Today, I believe her. Now, having raised an 18-year old and bringing up a 11-year old, I know she is right. Words and labels create negative holds on your child.
Never call your child a thief, a cheat or a liar. Just explain the actions and the consequence.
- Look on the Positive Side of their mischievousness
When my son was 5, he drew on my brand new coffee-table book. I was terribly upset. It was brand new!
My mother said, 'Well, now the book is unique to you and your son. Without his scribblings, the book is like any other book from the store. With his scribblings, you are not going to throw that book away no matter how old. It now holds his scribbles when he was 5.'
-Encourage play
My mother encouraged play. Anytime and nearly anywhere.
Whenever we were out for dinner, my 4-year old son then would be emptying the toothpick thingy onto the table. He would then spend the next hour playing with the toothpicks, arranging and rearranging them, allocating them to plates, bowls and spoons. Many times, I wanted him to stop. Especially when the toothpicks ended up on the floor.
My mother would encourage the 'toothpick play'. To her, the play was meaningful to the child. Anything that is meaningful to someone, we should encourage and not discourage. It took me years to understand what she was really doing and her understanding of child psychology.
There were many more lessons I learnt from my mother. It did not come naturally. Often, I would fight her, thinking that I was the children's mother and I knew better with my 'educated mind'.
But you know what, I was wrong. My mother did know better! My mother understood children like no one else did! Without an education, without any childhood degree. My mother reached into her innermost being and knew how to love children right.
Appreciating YOUR Child
I recently found a book, 'Appreciating Your Child' by Zhou Hong . This book encapsulates many of the lessons my mother taught me. The book relates how a Chinese man (in China) raised a deaf child to become a top scholar, graduating from renown universities in the US. Zhou Hong used principles of appreciation and created a new movement for child raising - 'The Appreciation Education'.
You can read of Zhou Hong's work on www.onesimplepath.com
Excerpts from the website:
What is Appreciation Education?
There is no such thing as bad crops, only farmers who do not know how to grow crops; there is no such thing as children who cannot be taught, only parents who do not know how to teach!
How a farmer treats his crops is decisive in determining the crops' fate. Similarly, how parents treat their children will also determine the child's destiny! Just as a farmer prays for his crops to grow quickly, all parents also wish for their children to succeed early on in life.
However, the difference
lies in how they go about attaining that goal --- When a crop's growth is below expectations, a farmer never complains nor blames the crops. On the contrary, he will do some soul-searching in a bid to answer for the crop's poor growth. However, when children fail to live up to their parents' expectations in their studies, many parents will only single-mindedly reprimand the child. Never for a moment do they stop to think about their own faults, to do some soul-searching.
Appreciation education is a lesson of life, of love, but most of all, it is an education in empathy, one that is full of vitality.
One of human nature's most basic, primal needs is to be appreciated,respected, understood and loved ... every being exists in this world for the sole purpose of being appreciated by others.
The key characteristic of appreciation education is its focus on a child's strengths and fortes and building upon them, in a bid to awaken a child's mentality that "I am a good child".
Conversely, a negative education would be one in which the child's weaknesses and shortcomings are highlighted and magnified, causing the child to lose confidence, allowing him to sink in the misguided mentality that "I am a bad child".
The force of every child's awakening is unstoppable, a force not to be reckoned with! **
1. Appreciation education acknowledges disparities and allows room for failure!
2. Appreciation education allows parents to become educators, an education in which a child's soul can unfold, so as to allow his potential to develop!
3. Appreciation education enables parents and children on how to live in harmony, to be friends and to journey through life together!
4. Appreciation education allows a child to be happy every day, one in which parents will marvel at!
5 Appreciation education brings about the operating principles of trust, respect,inspiration, understanding, tolerance and reminder. It also brings out the simple operating methods of the above traits, through which the patterns of education can then be indoctrinated, made operative, systematic and distinctive.
** This is what my mother told me. This is how she raised 4 children who are achievement oriented to better ourselves daily. I now observe this in my 18-year old son who strives daily to do better than his last best done. There is no price that can be placed on knowing that your child is on his/her way to their own success path. All because someone appreciated them!